I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
