my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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