I can tuck mytits in my pants
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
