Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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