I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
