i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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