I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize