I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
