im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
