Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how drunk are you?
Several
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
