i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
