well you can't waste a boner
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
