I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
