My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
