Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
