You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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