i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
