Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
