Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
