I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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