By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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