Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
