Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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