Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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