don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
