I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
