the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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