Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
