someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
