im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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