The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
two words...techno handjob
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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