Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
