I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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