Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
