I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
