those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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