I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
