Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
