I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
