His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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