i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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