But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize