I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize