Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
