Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize
