you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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