You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
