You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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