Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
