Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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