Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
