My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
