I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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