I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
