You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
