WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
