she smelled like a LAN party
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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