I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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