If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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