I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
