I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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