Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
