She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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