i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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