Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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