my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
