im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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