So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
