Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize