I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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