So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
