party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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