So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
