My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sobbing to NWA
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
