i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
