tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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