I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
