I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
