I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
