Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All the doctor said was why
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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