You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize