sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize